Funny vocabs(part 1)

1.	Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
2.	Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
3.	Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
4.	Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
5.	Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
6.	Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
7.	Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
8.	Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
9.	Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
10.	Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
11.	Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
12.	Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
13.	Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
14.	Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
15.	Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
16.	Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
17.	Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
18.	Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
19.	Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
20.	Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. 21. Father : A banker provided by nature. 22. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught. 23. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after. 24. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills. 25. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early 26. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. 27. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole. 28. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 29. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 30. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 31. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 32. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high 33. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 34. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 35. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 36. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 37. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 38. Glibido: All talk and no action. 39. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 40. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidental ly walked through a spider web.